I have some good news. For the first time in… God how long has it been? A year? Maybe longer?
For the first time in a year’s time I finally feel like my own self again. I finally feel “unleashed”. All the past year’s drama is over and I can finally think clearly again.
So what has happened you might ask yourself? Didn’t I have some sort of mayor drama going on the last 1-2 months? Didn’t I tumble down in a whirlpool of confusion and depression?
Short answer: yes… but that’s all over now 🙂
Long answer: Put your reading glasses on and let me explain it all.
*clears throat and cracks his knuckles*
On the first Friday in December, Farid and I had to pick up our Dutch friend from the airport, whom is in Suriname to escape the winter’s cold. At first I didn’t want to go along, because this would be our first face to face encounter after the whole drama in Amsterdam and after ignoring each other for about 6-8 weeks.
The first encounter was less dramatic as I thought it would be. Well my friends were the ones that sort of made me psych myself out by calling to hear how I was feeling and treating me like a bloody mental patient. So the moment of the first eye contact I did sort of feel strange, but as the night progressed I did start to ease myself. Not sure if it was due to the Merlot that we drank before going to the airport – that was probably it.
The new morning I was online on Facebook and the Dutchie and I chatted. We then established our friendship and we also laughed about the past year. I was actually very happy that we were speaking again. It’s not easy to suddenly break all contact with someone who has been part of your daily life for almost 2 years now and certainly not when it all ends on a bad note.
So that was settled and we were speaking again.
However… the next week I did have a minor relapse of feelings. Mostly a mixture of feelings of relief and happiness… and also the questions that I still needed answers to. I’ve noticed that I am drawn to mysterious people – hmm, that would make a nice topic for a separate blog post, don’t you think?. As long as I still have things about someone I want to know, someone that I have a crush on, I will keep holding on, because I am still trying to figure out if I have a chance or not and how we could make it work (or not).
Back to the topic.
So I did have a minor relapse, which my friends started noticing and they had to pull me out of it. Once again it was Stephany – Farid’s bff – who had to verbally bitchslap me to reality. Just like she did a few months ago.
For once the Dutchie in question also noticed that I was slowly falling back in my old routine, so one afternoon, a few hours before I was about to leave for school to go make an examinations, we had another chat on Facebook. And this time ALL and I mean ALL cards were laid on the table. No more time for BS, encrypted messages and mixed signals. I wanted to pour it all out and I also wanted answers.
The things we’ve discussed I shall leave out of this blog, because it’s just between us, but as soon I got the answers to some burning questions, questions that I’ve never dared to ask before, I suddenly felt released. Just like that my crush had faded. I know it sounds fast, but I knew for myself that it was over. I didn’t have the feeling of frustration, hope, fear or any other thing I was feeling anymore. I was suddenly FREE.
I told all my friends and we they were relieved to hear that the story of my crush on this Dutchie was over. We had talked about everything and we had established that we were just friends… just friends, without the benefits 🙂
Now that I knew where I stood I was able to move on.
One of my friends was skeptical and decided to make a bet that if the Dutchie and I were able to keep our hands of each other for at least one week the person that lost had to pay the other person a €100,-. And my dear friends: I won 🙂 But we I didn’t demand any money. After all I also needed to prove to myself that I was really over the whole situation and I am.
So after that last talk, the Dutchie and I have been able to be together… even alone… as JUST FRIENDS. And I must say I didn’t feel awkward for one bit. For me it was just like hanging with any other friends of mine. And I am relieved.
So there’s no love story going on, nor will there ever be one, but I am sure that this will be a lasting friendship. It probably already was. I was just the one that misunderstood things. Proper communication was the solution. I’ve learned my lesson. 🙂