I am a closeted writer!

by Clayton
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Dear, dear diary, I want to tell my secrets
Cuz you’re the only one that I know who’ll keep them
Dear, dear diary, I want to tell my secrets
I know you’ll keep them, and this is what I’ve done

Above are the lines of a lesser-famous song by PINK… and this post is exactly the same topic as the song:  writing in a diary/journal/blog… writing down your thoughts and feelings to either cope, confess, remember or simply relieve yourself. Everyone has his/her own reasons for grabbing a pen (or in my case a laptop) to write down a few words.

Writing is not a hobby I’ve recently picked up. For many years I’ve probably been a closeted writer. Only a few know that I am very fond of writing. This goes way back when I first learned how to spell and write my own name. Writing my name is something my dad had taught me at the age of 5-6. That probably was in my worst handwriting to date, but at least I knew how to write down the five letters that form my name, the ones I’ve written countless times in my 23 years of existence: C-L-A-Y-T-O-N.

It was my second year of kindergarten when the teacher was going to teach us how to write down our names. She wrote down the name of everyone in the classroom on the blackboard, but I had the advantage of already knowing how to do that, so I didn’t need to check. I was very proud of myself at that moment, because I was the only one who was able to do that already.
The first grade of elementary school is where we all were taught to read and write the famous line, which most Surinamese people have first learned: “Een man en een aap”.
(English translation: “A man and a monkey”)
Ask a random few of people who’ve been born and raised here and most will confirm that that’s the first line they’ve been taught.

I began writing on my dad’s old laptop when I was about 7-8. I always admired how the ladies at the traveling agencies used to type at such a rapid speed and I wanted it to be able to do that too. I was determined to teach myself how to type in as many names as possible in as less time as possible. I did this in a Microsoft Excel file and began with typing my full name, that of my mom, dad, brother and cousins. I’m not sure what was so entertaining about that, but I somehow enjoyed myself.
At that time my older brother didn’t live with us anymore, so I was practically an only child, which is why I had to find ways to keep myself entertained. Little did I know, that fast typing is a skill that takes years to develop – a skill I’ve been able to master now, thanks to the many essays I’ve written so far and hours of chatting on MSN 🙂

Okay now over to the real topic of this blog.
My first “story” was published when I was 9 (or maybe I was 8). It was a short fairytale, mostly based on other existing fairytales I’d read, published in the Kids section of our local newspaper. My dad still has that paper somewhere, by the way.
I can’t quite remember the storyline, but I believe it was a mixture of Hansel and Gretel, Snow White and Cinderella. With my own twist of course. Not a masterpiece of course, but hat else do you expect from a 9-year-old? However, for my dad this was fantastic of course. His son… the future novelist. (like pshhh… haha) I believe that was the start of it all.

In 1997 I begged my parents to buy me a blank writing book; also known to some as a diary. Do you know the difference between a journal and a diary? (read this article: http://quinncreative.wordpress.com/2007/08/26/journal-diary-whats-the-difference/ ).
I believe what I was doing back then can be classified as a diary. And no, diaries aren’t for girls… read the article and you tell me; most of you have been doing that without even probably realizing it.
So yeah, at first I did own what you may call a diary… as mentioned before I was the only kid in the house and my pen and paper where all I had to amuse myself, beside the television. I wrote down  everything what I had done on a daily basis. From how I had this schoolboy crush on the girl sitting next to me in fourth grade, how my mom made my favorite dish, how my favorites movies were on, the promises my parents made me and so on… the last one has come in handy several times. In fact I still have those diaries lying around.

I believe it was 2001/2002 when I first got into digital writing. That was when I saw a few episodes of Sex and the City. I actually never really watched that show unless it was on, but I was 13 and in my early teens, I heard about a show with the word SEX in it and it came on way past my bedtime, so I just had to see what the show was about. Sadly it wasn’t as sex-filled and nudity as I thought it would be, and I was way too young to really understand most of the topics the girls talked about, so I never really got into it. But I did like the way Carrie Bradshaw wrote down everything she thought on her laptop. That’s when I decided I wanted to become a columnist. That’s actually still something I want as a part-time job. I just need to find the right opportunity to do so.
That’s when I opened Microsoft Word and started writing about my life in password-protected files. To this date I still have them saved somewhere. My plan was to one day make all my writings public, when I’ve really accomplished something great in life.

On one day I stumbled on a software called iDaily Diary. Very organized and easy-to-use. To this day I still use it to write more often and openly than any online blog so far. In time all will be revealed; maybe sooner than I had actually intended to do.
Not long after that I came into the online world of writing a.k.a. blogging. My first blog was on the social network site Myspace. But that place has totally died out and eventually so did the readers.
Furthermore, I’ve written anonymously on this online support website, which I won’t reveal, because I’ve promised myself I would share stories there, without ever revealing my true identity. That’s simply because it’s sort of liberating to write to people you don’t know and read about theirs, without it ever becoming personal.But the stories are all mostly stored on my pc, so maybe you’ll read them some day anyways… or maybe you’ve even already heard them if we are friends.
Also I’ve written feedback to a few columns in the paper, also with a nickname, but nothing special. Just sharing my opinion with the world. Also a few unpublished short stories, which mostly end in the paper bin and let’s not forget my posting days on the online forums. I used to have an account and places I can’t even remember now. Most of them music forums, where I’ve met a lot of my international friends.

I did go through a whole writing poetry phase, which started in 2003. I was inspired by my bff D. who has written quite intense poetry. Also my love for rock and metal music had sparked my poetic writing skills. And the biggest inspiration was my own fragile life at the time. I could pour out 4-6 poems in a row on a day of depression. I still have every poem in notebooks on my bookcase. A few of them even put online (see: http://www.postpoems.org/authors/claytonderby/portfolio/ ).
But my poems are mostly dark and not for the faint-hearted. A few maybe even a tad bit suicidal, but ALL my poems are written with pure emotions.

But as time goes I’ve not been successfully been able to pen down a worthy poem. I start with a few lines and throw the scrap of paper away. 2 months ago was my last attempt to write a poem when I after a long time had a reason to do so. But maybe not writing is a good thing for me, because my poetry is usually gloomy and depressive. And when I’m not writing poetry it means I am feeling happy. 😀
*look at me I’m happy…. Weeeehhhh*

Also during a very long vacation in 2008 I started to write my first novel. It’s nowhere near finished nor have I even picked up the main storyline, but I just started writing. I always wanted my name on a book, so hopefully my novel will be a worthy-enough story to be published and hopefully end up on New York’s bestselling list. Maybe I can go on Oprah, have a chat with her, because everyone knows that if Oprah even farts on a book it becomes an instant best seller.

A boy is allowed to dream. ^_^

So now I’m here with my very own blog, at my very own website, with my very own name.
(take that bitches!) B-D
I’m not sure how many people are reading just yet, but over time I’m sure I will. And if not, no worries. I’m not exactly doing this for riches and fames… I’m not Perez Hilton… (however if that did happen, you won’t hear me complaining). I just need a place to write down my thoughts, rants, hopes, dreams, wishes and achievements. Though, the digital writing will continue, but now I will at least share with the world. Why wait until I am dead when my words can be read while I’m still making history?

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