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Clay's Personal

Goodbye 2018

Posted on March 14, 2019

By Clayton

It’s already March and I haven’t taken the time to write about how 2018 was… I guess I was procrastinating, because saying goodbye to 2018, meant I needed to say goodbye to YOU!

Who are “YOU”? Follow me down the rabbit hole to find out…

30th Birthday
I stumbled into 2018 fully focused on my 30th birthday which was on February 1st, but I had the party on February 2nd. I have already fully written about that, so you can read that and see the pictures if you haven’t seen them already. That was certainly a lot of fun, but also very stressful at the same time to prepare the event. When that was over, I was ready to see what the rest of 2018 had to offer me. Little did I know that this was only the beginning of the ride.

Love
About a month after my birthday…. On St. Patrick’s Day I was invited to a party of a friend and his family… on that very pleasant – and mostly drunk – night…. I contacted this Brazilian hottie for a hookup, but that hookup, swiftly turned into something more, because what was supposed to be a one-night stand, quickly ended in the person I madly fell in love with in 2018.

Well, well, well… 2018… that definitely took me by surprise.

Let’s just say, for the first time in my 30 years of existence I knew what it’s like to share part of your life with another person. My days finally felt meaningful. I didn’t mind waking up in the morning, because that meant I could see YOU gain.

I am only going to give the short version of the story here. The full version of this long story I will do in a separate post, or maybe in one of my yet-to-be-written-books. Hey, I need to profit out of this one way or another.

So yeah, 2018 was interesting, because I felt like my life had a purpose again and I knew what I had been missing. Dating a Brazilian meant, I entered an entire new world that was literally hiding right under my nose. I started learning Portuguese by myself – and now one year later I have advanced a lot. Yes, in the mean time I had courses to help me out.

But back to the story… so yeah… I had the beginning of 2018 with my new Brazilian lover, that made me feel like a human again and I finally knew what I wanted and I had it. Sadly, it didn’t last that long. Meu querido had to go to Amsterdam for work, but in the end never came back. I did travel to Amsterdam in an attempt to salvage a sinking ship, but failed. Which brings me to the new topic few topics of 2018.

Travel
Curaçao
In 2018 I probably traveled the most I have in a short period of time.
At our 2017 office Christmas dinner the boss told us that we were going to travel to Curaçao for a company vacation trip. We didn’t really think that would happen, but it did. I have also written in details about that trip. It was quite short, but it was a lot of fun.

The Netherlands
Exactly one month later, I had another trip planned; this time to Amsterdam to go see the one that had stolen my heart. There is when things were clear to me that the love I seeked was not there anymore. It was an entire new person; someone I didn’t recognize. This wasn’t the same person that promised to wait for me. I was heartbroken… and when I asked if there was someone else, the answer was no… afterwards I found out the hard way that the real answer was yes….

But besides that, I had a great time in Amsterdam. As soon as I realized that there was no love for me anymore I just enjoyed myself. It was Amsterdam Pride and there was more than enough reason not to stay home and sulk. I met many new people and basically partied every single day. In the end I have no regrets. Also, one of my best friends happened to also be visiting so that was more reason to just enjoy myself. I still need to write down the stories from Amsterdam, but you will see those appear eventually.

Curaçao – again
Shortly after Amsterdam I was invited back to Curaçao for the Pride over there. That was also something unforgettable. The stories are also online for you to read. Finally, something good that actually came out of this blogging that I do. If you are reading this and want to invite me over to write about your event or anything, you know where to find me. 🙂

Work
So, work was not going that great near the end of 2018. It was more than clear that I was not going to grow any time soon and that the work relationship with my boss was not what we both wanted anymore, which is why I needed to resign. It all ended up well, but it was just not working anymore for us I was about to go into a new direction and had to say goodbye after 4.5 years of working there.

Depression
With all the struggles I had in 2018, I soon started feeling a fast-ascending depression and for the first time in my life I decided to seek therapy. I have always wanted to, having battled with depression before, but now that I am old enough to do my own things I finally seeked a therapist and we had very successful sessions. I could finally think clear again and knew exactly what I needed. That was also that helped me to make the decision to quit my job as it was not healthy for me anymore. Also, my therapist helped me to deal with my heartbreak and also to help analyze things in life from another perspective. It was more than clear that I know exactly all the things that bother me and everything that is “wrong” with me, I just needed help to know what to do next. We have had our last session in December, but I will ASAP see her again, as almost 3 months have gone by in 2019 and already so much has changed.

So yeah, that was 2018 in a nutshell.
The first half of it was amazing, but the second half of it was quite dark. Luckily 2019 has opened up with a fresh new start and I am positive that all will be good… they say when one door closes another opens. That has definitely been the case here for me. But I guess you will have to wait till the end of 2019 to read all about that. Haha.

Thanks for reading!
– C

 

Clay's Personal Travel & Adventure

McSharQ Podcast

Posted on September 7, 2018

By Clayton

When my friend Sharik heard I would be traveling to The Netherlands, he immediately asked me if I wanted to do a Podcast interview with him. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but said “sure, why not?”. Before my arrival, I watched a few other episodes and got excited to do so.

We arrange a date and location and did the interview on the said date. Click on the link below to watch the interview.

Link: http://mcsharq.nl/sharq-talk-18-clayton-derby/

Clay's Personal

This Sunshine Blogger Award

Posted on July 19, 2018

By Clayton

Back in May of this year I was nominated for The Sunshine Blogger Award. I saw the post and was about to immediately write a post, however… I postponed it and *poof* 2 months flew by and we are now near the end of July.

So The Sunshine Blogger Award… Let me copy & paste the description.

The Sunshine Blogger award is given by bloggers to bloggers who inspire positivity and creativity in the blogging community.

I had never heard of this award before, but I am super stoked to have been nominated by Jill-Joy Landburg. Jill is the owner of the blog VICTUALS.me
The blog is basically all about food and I am a foodie, so that got my attention 🙂

I know Jill via friends and social events. She had noticed my blog and asked me to join her blog group on Facebook, which was good for me, because now I can attract more local readers.

So I am nominated and below are the questions that I have to answer.

Jill’s questions for me:

1. What’s your zodiac sign?
I am an Aquarius. And from the books and webpages I have read I am a true Aquarian.
I have all the typical characteristics. We are very caring and loving people, also very patient, but once our patience runs out or when we notice that you are taking advantage of our kindness we are DONE!

2. What is the difference in dining and fine dining?
Fine dining is where I need to figure out what all those extra spoons and forks on the table are for and which one I start with. You work your way from the outside to the inside in case you didn’t know 😉

And dining is when it’s just about the food, and no rules or regulations.

3. What activity takes the most of your time?
Work, work and more work.
Both my regular day job and my freelance work. And in between I try to balance sporting, social events and relaxations, but yeah, mostly I am working.

4. Did your friends and family give you their support when you started your blog?
I have always written just for myself, so their opinion didn’t nor doesn’t matter. Whoever likes to read is welcome of course.

5. If you are making money with your blog, what do you plan to spend the money you’re making from your blog on?
I don’t, but when I do: TRAVEL!! I want to see the world.

6. If you go back in time, would you still start a blog knowing all the positive and negative aspects of blogging?
I have no regrets… the only regret I have is that I don’t have more free time to work on new blog posts. The best part is that I have an outlet for my thoughts.

7. Would you rather eat Carpaccio or Shrimp cocktail?
Shrimp Cocktail 🙂

8. What’s the most recent foreign country you’ve visited?
The last place I traveled to was Curaçao about a month ago.

9. Have you ever been nominated for and/or won other blogging awards?
This is my first time *blushing*

10. What’s your favorite thing about your blog?
That I can write about anything… and that I don’t have to limit myself to one topic.

11. Are you, so far, proud and satisfied with your blog’s progress?
Uhm… I would like to earn money and live of It one day, soooo the answer is: not yet.

The rules:
The Sunshine Blogger award is given by bloggers to bloggers who inspire positivity and creativity in the blogging community.

  1. Thank blogger(s) who nominated you for a blog post and link back to their blog.
  2. Answer the 11 questions the blogger asked you.
  3. Nominate up to 11 new blogs to receive the award and write them 11 new questions.
  4. List the rules and display the Sunshine Blogger Award logo in your post and/or on your blog.

My nominees:

  1. Smoonstyle – Simone Simons – Singer of Epica
  2. The Modern Man – Daniel – @Magic_Fox on Instagram
  3. Flight Attendant Joe – Joe Thomas

My questions for the nominees:

  1. Are you blogging as often as you’d like?
  2. Who or what inspired you to start your blog?
  3. What does the name/title of your blog mean?
  4. Do you listen to music when blogging (and what kind)?
  5. Where do you see your blog in 10 years from now?
  6. Please share a description of your perfect life in no more than 5 sentences?
  7. What attracts you most in people? (this can be for love, friendship or anything)
  8. Where is the place you would like to grow old in?
  9. What’s your opinion on tattoos?
  10. What’s your favorite thing about traveling?
  11. How many languages do you speak and which ones are they?

To be honest, I highly doubt the above bloggers will respond, but hey, anything can happen 🙂

If you are reading this and you still want to answer these questions, you can do so in the comments section below. And if you want to answer them on your own blog, please link back to me.

Clay's Personal pAArty

My 30th Birthday Party

Posted on February 9, 2018

By Clayton

So it finally happened… I turned 30 last week… the HORROR!!
I am just joking. It’s actually not that big of a deal to me and I actually do like my birthday. Since you only turn 30 once, I decided to throw a party… but this was not going to be just any regular birthday party… I mean, come on, have we met?!

Party Planning Stress
So it turns out that party planning is a lot of stress. If I had millions of dollars to spill I would have just hired someone to organize the entire thing and let them deal with all the stress. Since I don’t… I had to plan it all myself.

I had this idea for a karaoke birthday party for a while now. As you know, I love karaoke, despite the fact that I cannot sing. I also wanted a photo booth for memorable, crazy, drunk pictures. I also didn’t want every day decorations, so I went on Amazon and order all the decorations, photo props and whatnot that I needed.

As the day to the birthday party came closer I started to stress a lot more. Everything costs a lot of money and it’s a lot of phone calls, emailing and driving places to arrange things. Also I was stressing out because up until 2 weeks before the party the things ordered were not here yet, due to a delay in delivery with the holiday season. But luckily the arrived just in time, so I could ease up a bit after that.

During the planning period I had a few times where I came THIS close to blowing off the entire party and just plan a trip abroad… I luckily know enough people that could help and advise me on things, so once that stress was lifted and I knew exactly what I wanted and needed the party could officially be organized.

The location I had picked was Hotel Babylon. A small, but gorgeous hotel that is not far from my home. I visited that place 2 years ago for the first time and it had left a lasting impression on me. As I was looking for a location for the party, I somehow knew that this would have to be it.

Actual Birthday
On my actual birthday, February 1st, I didn’t do much of celebrating, but mostly drove around doing some shopping and ordering stuff for the following day. In the evening I went to my best friend’s house were we peeled 12kg of potatoes for mashed potatoes. We drank a bottle of champagne while doing so, but that was the only kind of celebration.

When I went home I still wanted to create a playlist for the party and test the karaoke stuff, but my friends advised me to go to sleep. As I get older I cannot pull those all-nighters anymore. And it was about to be a long day so I could use all the sleep I could get it.

(more…)

Clay's Personal Friends

Update on 2017’s NY Post

Posted on January 3, 2018

By Clayton

Before I was about to post my 2018 “Happy New Year” post I re-read my 2017 post.
It appears that I still need to write an update regarding that post since a lot has changed.

Quickly read that post first before reading the below.

Friendship
The friendship between my best friend and I was restored, shortly after that post – around my birthday. It mostly involved another person that caused interference… let’s call it that and leave it at that. It’s over and all is good again.

Sleep
In 2016 I probably slept more than I have in recent year. Not nearly as much as I should, but I have at least tried to get some more down time, to prevent myself from burning out. However, this also meant a lot less projects and a lot less money. So I need to find the perfect balance between getting enough sleep and still earning enough to maintain my lifestyle.

Love
Pfft, I bet my blog posts are getting repetitive. This is still a NO-GO for me.

That one crush that started in late 2015 (or 2016), still has been going through all of 2017 and actually reached it peek…. But it also sunk right after that, and I am done.

This is not going to work. I cannot keep falling for someone that never appreciates the things I do, doesn’t see how much effort I am putting in trying to be a better person or never gets any of my signals. At several times in 2017 I even was at that point where I just wanted to blurt out all my feelings, but each time I had to pull back on the last minute because I knew that it was not the right moment or that I would just end up getting hurt. And maybe in some wear twisted part of my mind I rather live in plausible deniability than accept the truth… but now I am done. In retrospect maybe its best I never blurted it out, cause this person will never feel the same and maybe isn’t even someone I really need in my life “in that way”.

Can we move on now?!

College
Yay, I finished my damn college…. Got my degree… Bachelor in Applied Technology… but what is next now? I don’t know, but I am certainly not going back to any form of school. My knowledge shall be gained through self-study, work experience or any other type of training. I just don’t think I can do any full time study anymore.

So yup… that was 2017 more or less.

Clay's Personal pAArty

New Year’s Eve 2017

Posted on January 2, 2018

By Clayton

Actually I wasn’t done with my last post. I totally forgot to write how my New Year’s Eve was.

Well it was TOTES AMAZEBALLS!! 😀

Let me first give a short back story: I actually HATE new years’ eve. I am like the Grinch of New Year’s Eve. This is mostly because of my childhood fear of fireworks and my social anxiety (I don’t do large crowds of strangers)… not to mention the heat.

But last year I went out to the annual Galaxy street party with my friends from Holland, and it was fun. It was warm, but not to warm and the music was good and so was the crowd… although it was really crowded. I ended up dancing on the stage, thanks to my “connections”, but I was way too sober, so I thought I should better next year… well I did.

The day didn’t start off great. I wanted to make my way to the city’s center, but decided to stop to fill up my car’s tank. When I was done and wanted to drive away the car wouldn’t start… the battery had died. I had to call my dad for help to help jump start the battery with car and I just drove back home. I almost decided to simply stay home, but I called a cab instead and he dropped me off as close to the city’s center as he could.

I was there quite “early” as it was not that crowded yet. Said hello to the Galaxy owners and started drinking. I soon got bored, since I knew a lot of people, but no one I actually am used to hang with on a regular basis, so I walked to my other friends that were about to meet up nearby. We gather there and started drinking some more. As we had enough we all walked to Galaxy for the street party and by then it was packed with people.

It also started raining, but that didn’t spoil the fun. I eventually ended up on the stage again, same way I did last year, and this time I had a GREAT TIME… little did I know that the best way to have fun on New Year’s Eve was to get wasted.

After a while I went back to my friends and we danced until nearly the end of the street party. I soon was grinding up on 2 hot tourists like it was the pride month closing party or something. I didn’t care much. I was having fun.

After the party we all walked back to the place where we gather for an after party. I may or may have not ended up making out with the tourists (read: I totally did), but this was the best NYE EVER!! After this after-party, one of my friends and I drove to another friend for some food and all I drank there was cold water…which tasted like the sweet nectar of the Gods at that moment.

A little after 10pm I was dropped home at home and later I took a shower and by then it was almost midnight. At midnight I wished my family members a happy new year and went to bed.

Best way to end the year! 😀

Clay's Personal

Happy New Year 2018

Posted on January 1, 2018

By Clayton

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!!

HAPPY 54th BIRTHDAY MOM!

So that was 2017 and what a ride it has been.
Was it special? I guess… it was okay.
Could have been worse, but also could definitely be better.

Quick recap: Finally finished my college, met some new awesome people, went on a much needed vacation, got to see my favorite band perform live for the 6th time, my older brother got married, work has been very good and I learned a lot this year… and probably much more.

Those that know me long enough know that I stopped with making resolutions long ago.

I do want to work on a few things though…
Like, I need to stop being nice to people that take my actions for granted. Not that I expect anything back, I just really need to learn to think about myself more.

Also I have neglected my blog for way too long and want to actively work on that again.

Last… seriously cut back on my bad eating habits.

Hmm, do these count as resolutions?

Anyways… uh… happy new year again, all the best, etc etc etc…
I am going to eat and watch TV now.

Clay's Personal The Naked Truth

Drunk in love

Posted on October 26, 2017

By Clayton

The other day a newly-made friend asked me why I am still single.
Each time I get this question – which is all freaking the time – I answer by saying:
“If I knew the answer to that question I probably wouldn’t be single”.

However I suddenly had an epiphany today. Apparently I am only liked when there is vodka, rum or weed involved. Yes, that’s when I am “romantically” attractive to others.

Yes, I admit, I like my glass of wine before a date (feel to interpret that word as broadly as you want), but for me it’s more a courage thing. But yup, I think that is the answer.

Where did this sudden epiphany come from? There I was sitting at a social event across someone I have seen naked on two occasions… I was wondering: why are there no sparks flying this time? Well, probably because we were both completely sober.

Another example is the case of my two-year-secret-not-so-secret crush. Open the bottle of vodka, pour us a few glasses, get the music just right and we will be making out on the dance floor before the break of dawn.

The other day I was looking at our pics and I was asking myself: why the hell are we not dating?
It’s probably way more complicated than that, but maybe because we both can’t be perpetually drunk, which is why this will never happen.

So…. Yeah…. I am mostly drunk in love, but I don’t see any sober love happening any time soon.
#CallMeWhenYouReSober

DISCLAIMER: I don’t smoke weed, nor have I ever… but certain people around me do.

Clay's Personal Nerd Herd

My new eyes

Posted on June 18, 2017

By Clayton

First thing I did when I arrived in Holland was order contact lenses. You may or not remember an old blog post from 2014 where I stated that I did some research on Lasik eye surgery or contact lens implants. Both were advised not to do so, as they would not work for me. However they did advise me to try hybrid contact lenses. Hybrid contact lenses are a blend between hard contact lenses and soft contact lenses. Since I have very bad eyes I can’t (or couldn’t) get soft contact lenses when I first tried contacts back in 2004. I got subscribed hard lenses and I simply never could get used to them.

After I booked my trip to Holland for this year I went on Google and searched for places in Holland where I could purchase them. I eventually mailed a supplier of these special contact lenses here in Holland and they referred me to an optician, as they do not deliver directly to customers.

The day after I arrived I had my appointment. The supplier of the contacts also came with his kit full of contacts. Together with the optician they checked my eyes and finally decided upon the best solution. Not a cheap one, but I wanted them.

These contacts are custom made in the US and would arrive within 1-2 weeks from the day they were ordered. Well they actually arrived 4 weeks later on the very last day in Holland.

(more…)

Clay's Personal

Reasons to move

Posted on June 8, 2017

By Clayton

DISCLAIMER
The below might be a bit of a rant post, but everything is written in total honesty, so I hope that can be respected. If not, feel free to close the tab and go watch some porn like you’re used to.

__________________

I have never made it a secret that I want to move to Amsterdam.
One of the things that has been holding me back until recently was my studies. For no reason was I about to just quit that and I needed to finish it. Which I successfully did, which you can read in my previous post.

But now I am here, in the city I hope to call home soon.
And yes, I know it’s not all about rainbows, glitter and unicorns. I am way too old and have been here way too often to know this fact. But mentally I just know I belong here. Yes, I have been born in the wrong country and I plan to do something about this as soon as possible.

Now that I am almost 30, I would like to…. wait, what? Seriously?! Ugh… 30… okay, whatever… moving on. Now that I am almost 30, I would like to make serious plans for my exodus.

What are my reasons for wanting to move?

  • Amsterdam just feels like home
    It feels more “home” to me than Paramaribo has ever had. I just belong here.
  • The people are on my wavelength
    It’s great to be among people that share the same thoughts and ideas as me.
    Open-minded. I love that word(s) and it describes me perfectly.
  • The weather
    If you know me, you know I like the cold weather.
    Give me rain, give me snow. I just don’t like the heat and I hate to sweat.
    That makes Holland the perfect place as its colder more often than it’s warm.
    Also the weather is unpredictable and I hate living a predictable life.
  • My non-active love life
    If I ever want a chance to date someone, even if it’s temporary, I would have to move. Back home I cannot seem to find someone that is on my wavelength. Here… let’s just say there are some potential candidates that I would like to call my own. And for a few it even seems mutual. I would be nice to have someone to come home to.
  • Travelling
    It’s a fact that it’s much cheaper to see the world from here. A fact that I have been able to experience myself last year during the 13-country Euro trip. Why stay in one place? The world is ours. But intercontinental flights are not cheap. Certainly not from where I am from.
  • The music concerts
    The type of music I listen to is mostly created by European bands. They do travel the world, but they never visit Suriname as this would not be profitable for them. Even traveling with a full stage set is very expensive, which is why EU tour shows are usually a bit bigger than the abroad one. I would like to have the opportunity to just head out to a concert or several in a row, instead of what I need to do now and plan months ahead, save up a ton on money and hours of travel time. Although I like it and makes the experience even bigger, but sometimes not all shows are at a convenient time for me, because I can’t travel in that time period.
  • The bad economy back home
    If you follow the news of Suriname you will understand that the economy is bad at the moment. Like seriously bad. And although I don’t have a horrible paying job, I will not be able to afford my own place or even a new car any time soon. I see more and more people leaving for this reason and I think I seriously must do the same to survive.
  • My freelance business works better here
    I don’t really like working freelance for people back home. This is not a pride thing, this is a money thing. People don’t pay or don’t like to pay. At the moment I have 2 pending payments and I am sick of waiting. If I deliver something for you, it’s your job to deliver the funds. And these aren’t even big amounts. I am seriously not even charging what I should and want, but I try to compromise. But in this way, having to constantly ask when I am getting paid, I cannot do it. However when I have jobs here, we make clear agreements and I get paid just like we discussed. Everyone is happy.
  • Happiness
    As I already said, this place feels like home and it makes me happy.
    I cannot wait to find my own place to live, have a job I love, be with someone I love, walk amongst the cold weather (call me crazy) and just simply be happy.
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