As usual I will not include the names of anyone involved in this blog for the sake of their privacy. I also will try to make this as short as I possibly can, because the entire story is quite long.
It was exactly one year ago…. I was mentally getting ready for my trip to Holland in March of this year. One night I was online and came across the profile of this gorgeous grey-eyed Dutchie. I don’t believe in love at first sight, but there was something special about this Dutchie and I just had to make contact. I never really expected a reply back, but to my utter shock, the next day a message was waiting for me. Score!
That was the start of back and forth messaging, which eventually led to our first meeting when I was in Rotterdam, Holland. I still remember that first meeting; the moment I stared into those eyes for the first time… I was mesmerized. This Dutchie was all I ever dreamed and wanted. Physically: perfect. The rest: also perfect. Occupation: Store manager in one of the largest department stores in the Netherlands – De Bijenkorf.
On that first afternoon that we met, we walked around the city of Rotterdam and got to know each other some more. Funny thing is that this Dutchie has an obsession with Suriname, but has never been. Almost the same similar obsession that I have with Holland. Le new Dutchie’s ex of 3 years was also of Surinamese descent, so this Dutchie knew a thing or two about my country of birth. Perfect.
A few days later we had a wine date at my friend Patrick’s Cube house in which I was staying at. I felt that this new Dutchie was worthy enough to meet my friends. After Patrick went to bed, the new Dutchie and I had the chance to get know each other on a more intimate level. We shared a bottle of my favorite red wine. This Dutchie is also a Merlot lover, so I had bought a bottle in Suriname for us to share. Oh, how sweet that aroma of this bottle wine. Things got even better when the fumes had risen to my head and my body was craving companion. This Dutchie provided me just that. Best kisses ever! 🙂
Our next meeting… shall I call it a date… I personally think it counts as a date… was a few days later in Hotel New York Rotterdam. Here is where talked a lot more sober compared to the other night. Got to know a few things more about this Dutchie, personal and financial issues. This Dutch whom also happened to be a Gemini – yes, I know ANOTHER Gemini!! FML o.O – was not ready to jump into another relationship. Nor was at, not at that point. I was open to it of course, but we had contact for a while, but didn’t really know each other yet… HOWEVER… secretly I was a tiny bit sad, but thought eventually things could change. I didn’t say a word. After that date, I stood for almost 2 hours on a bridge in -4 °C weather just contemplating how this could and why this would never work out. I knew it wouldn’t, but I was stubborn.
We did have normal, regular contact during my remaining days in Holland, but this was already close to the day I had to fly back so we had no chance to see each other one last time.
After flying back home, I could feel the pain of this distance between the Dutchie and I clearly. 7500km is a gawd damn long distance when you really think about it. I felt lonely. I was in love. I tried to fight it. I couldn’t. I wanted to stare in those lovely grey eyes again.
That was the beginning of the long-distance phone calls, WhatsApp text messages, Facebook private messages and constant appearances in my dreams. I knew what I wanted. At most times the feelings even seemed mutual. I received excited messages and sweet words back. I could feel the butterflies swirling in my tummy. I was walking on air.
All of the above sounds great, right? Well let me tell you it was not. Thinking back, I can’t even count the amount of times my text messages weren’t answered, just because this Dutchie “was not in the right mind set”. I can’t tell you how many promises were made and eventually broken, just because <insert a very good excuses here>. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was getting sick. I needed to change this. That’s when I decided to speak up. I spoke my mind and said how I felt neglected at times and how much it frustrated me. An apology was given and change was promised. I felt some hope. Maybe this would really change.