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Clay's Personal

Goodbye 2018

By Clayton

It’s already March and I haven’t taken the time to write about how 2018 was… I guess I was procrastinating, because saying goodbye to 2018, meant I needed to say goodbye to YOU!

Who are “YOU”? Follow me down the rabbit hole to find out…


30th Birthday
I stumbled into 2018 fully focused on my 30th birthday which was on February 1st, but I had the party on February 2nd. I have already fully written about that, so you can read that and see the pictures if you haven’t seen them already. That was certainly a lot of fun, but also very stressful at the same time to prepare the event. When that was over, I was ready to see what the rest of 2018 had to offer me. Little did I know that this was only the beginning of the ride.

Love
About a month after my birthday…. On St. Patrick’s Day I was invited to a party of a friend and his family… on that very pleasant – and mostly drunk – night…. I contacted this Brazilian hottie for a hookup, but that hookup, swiftly turned into something more, because what was supposed to be a one-night stand, quickly ended in the person I madly fell in love with in 2018.

Well, well, well… 2018… that definitely took me by surprise.

Let’s just say, for the first time in my 30 years of existence I knew what it’s like to share part of your life with another person. My days finally felt meaningful. I didn’t mind waking up in the morning, because that meant I could see YOU gain.

I am only going to give the short version of the story here. The full version of this long story I will do in a separate post, or maybe in one of my yet-to-be-written-books. Hey, I need to profit out of this one way or another.

So yeah, 2018 was interesting, because I felt like my life had a purpose again and I knew what I had been missing. Dating a Brazilian meant, I entered an entire new world that was literally hiding right under my nose. I started learning Portuguese by myself – and now one year later I have advanced a lot. Yes, in the mean time I had courses to help me out.

But back to the story… so yeah… I had the beginning of 2018 with my new Brazilian lover, that made me feel like a human again and I finally knew what I wanted and I had it. Sadly, it didn’t last that long. Meu querido had to go to Amsterdam for work, but in the end never came back. I did travel to Amsterdam in an attempt to salvage a sinking ship, but failed. Which brings me to the new topic few topics of 2018.

Travel
Curaçao
In 2018 I probably traveled the most I have in a short period of time.
At our 2017 office Christmas dinner the boss told us that we were going to travel to Curaçao for a company vacation trip. We didn’t really think that would happen, but it did. I have also written in details about that trip. It was quite short, but it was a lot of fun.

The Netherlands
Exactly one month later, I had another trip planned; this time to Amsterdam to go see the one that had stolen my heart. There is when things were clear to me that the love I seeked was not there anymore. It was an entire new person; someone I didn’t recognize. This wasn’t the same person that promised to wait for me. I was heartbroken… and when I asked if there was someone else, the answer was no… afterwards I found out the hard way that the real answer was yes….

But besides that, I had a great time in Amsterdam. As soon as I realized that there was no love for me anymore I just enjoyed myself. It was Amsterdam Pride and there was more than enough reason not to stay home and sulk. I met many new people and basically partied every single day. In the end I have no regrets. Also, one of my best friends happened to also be visiting so that was more reason to just enjoy myself. I still need to write down the stories from Amsterdam, but you will see those appear eventually.

Curaçao – again
Shortly after Amsterdam I was invited back to Curaçao for the Pride over there. That was also something unforgettable. The stories are also online for you to read. Finally, something good that actually came out of this blogging that I do. If you are reading this and want to invite me over to write about your event or anything, you know where to find me. 🙂

Work
So, work was not going that great near the end of 2018. It was more than clear that I was not going to grow any time soon and that the work relationship with my boss was not what we both wanted anymore, which is why I needed to resign. It all ended up well, but it was just not working anymore for us I was about to go into a new direction and had to say goodbye after 4.5 years of working there.

Depression
With all the struggles I had in 2018, I soon started feeling a fast-ascending depression and for the first time in my life I decided to seek therapy. I have always wanted to, having battled with depression before, but now that I am old enough to do my own things I finally seeked a therapist and we had very successful sessions. I could finally think clear again and knew exactly what I needed. That was also that helped me to make the decision to quit my job as it was not healthy for me anymore. Also, my therapist helped me to deal with my heartbreak and also to help analyze things in life from another perspective. It was more than clear that I know exactly all the things that bother me and everything that is “wrong” with me, I just needed help to know what to do next. We have had our last session in December, but I will ASAP see her again, as almost 3 months have gone by in 2019 and already so much has changed.

So yeah, that was 2018 in a nutshell.
The first half of it was amazing, but the second half of it was quite dark. Luckily 2019 has opened up with a fresh new start and I am positive that all will be good… they say when one door closes another opens. That has definitely been the case here for me. But I guess you will have to wait till the end of 2019 to read all about that. Haha.

Thanks for reading!
– C

 

Clay's Personal Friends

Update on 2017’s NY Post

By Clayton

Before I was about to post my 2018 “Happy New Year” post I re-read my 2017 post.
It appears that I still need to write an update regarding that post since a lot has changed.

Quickly read that post first before reading the below.

Friendship
The friendship between my best friend and I was restored, shortly after that post – around my birthday. It mostly involved another person that caused interference… let’s call it that and leave it at that. It’s over and all is good again.

Sleep
In 2016 I probably slept more than I have in recent year. Not nearly as much as I should, but I have at least tried to get some more down time, to prevent myself from burning out. However, this also meant a lot less projects and a lot less money. So I need to find the perfect balance between getting enough sleep and still earning enough to maintain my lifestyle.

Love
Pfft, I bet my blog posts are getting repetitive. This is still a NO-GO for me.

That one crush that started in late 2015 (or 2016), still has been going through all of 2017 and actually reached it peek…. But it also sunk right after that, and I am done.

This is not going to work. I cannot keep falling for someone that never appreciates the things I do, doesn’t see how much effort I am putting in trying to be a better person or never gets any of my signals. At several times in 2017 I even was at that point where I just wanted to blurt out all my feelings, but each time I had to pull back on the last minute because I knew that it was not the right moment or that I would just end up getting hurt. And maybe in some wear twisted part of my mind I rather live in plausible deniability than accept the truth… but now I am done. In retrospect maybe its best I never blurted it out, cause this person will never feel the same and maybe isn’t even someone I really need in my life “in that way”.

Can we move on now?!

College

Yay, I finished my damn college…. Got my degree… Bachelor in Applied Technology… but what is next now? I don’t know, but I am certainly not going back to any form of school. My knowledge shall be gained through self-study, work experience or any other type of training. I just don’t think I can do any full time study anymore.

So yup… that was 2017 more or less.

Clay's Personal pAArty

New Year’s Eve 2017

By Clayton

Actually I wasn’t done with my last post. I totally forgot to write how my New Year’s Eve was.

Well it was TOTES AMAZEBALLS!! 😀

Let me first give a short back story: I actually HATE new years’ eve. I am like the Grinch of New Year’s Eve. This is mostly because of my childhood fear of fireworks and my social anxiety (I don’t do large crowds of strangers)… not to mention the heat.

But last year I went out to the annual Galaxy street party with my friends from Holland, and it was fun. It was warm, but not to warm and the music was good and so was the crowd… although it was really crowded. I ended up dancing on the stage, thanks to my “connections”, but I was way too sober, so I thought I should better next year… well I did.

The day didn’t start off great. I wanted to make my way to the city’s center, but decided to stop to fill up my car’s tank. When I was done and wanted to drive away the car wouldn’t start… the battery had died. I had to call my dad for help to help jump start the battery with car and I just drove back home. I almost decided to simply stay home, but I called a cab instead and he dropped me off as close to the city’s center as he could.

I was there quite “early” as it was not that crowded yet. Said hello to the Galaxy owners and started drinking. I soon got bored, since I knew a lot of people, but no one I actually am used to hang with on a regular basis, so I walked to my other friends that were about to meet up nearby. We gather there and started drinking some more. As we had enough we all walked to Galaxy for the street party and by then it was packed with people.

It also started raining, but that didn’t spoil the fun. I eventually ended up on the stage again, same way I did last year, and this time I had a GREAT TIME… little did I know that the best way to have fun on New Year’s Eve was to get wasted.

After a while I went back to my friends and we danced until nearly the end of the street party. I soon was grinding up on 2 hot tourists like it was the pride month closing party or something. I didn’t care much. I was having fun.

After the party we all walked back to the place where we gather for an after party. I may or may have not ended up making out with the tourists (read: I totally did), but this was the best NYE EVER!! After this after-party, one of my friends and I drove to another friend for some food and all I drank there was cold water…which tasted like the sweet nectar of the Gods at that moment.

A little after 10pm I was dropped home at home and later I took a shower and by then it was almost midnight. At midnight I wished my family members a happy new year and went to bed.

Best way to end the year! 😀

Clay's Personal

Happy New Year 2018

By Clayton

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!!

HAPPY 54th BIRTHDAY MOM!

So that was 2017 and what a ride it has been.
Was it special? I guess… it was okay.
Could have been worse, but also could definitely be better.

Quick recap: Finally finished my college, met some new awesome people, went on a much needed vacation, got to see my favorite band perform live for the 6th time, my older brother got married, work has been very good and I learned a lot this year… and probably much more.

Those that know me long enough know that I stopped with making resolutions long ago.

I do want to work on a few things though…
Like, I need to stop being nice to people that take my actions for granted. Not that I expect anything back, I just really need to learn to think about myself more.

Also I have neglected my blog for way too long and want to actively work on that again.

Last… seriously cut back on my bad eating habits.

Hmm, do these count as resolutions?

Anyways… uh… happy new year again, all the best, etc etc etc…
I am going to eat and watch TV now.

Clay's Personal

2015 in a nutshell

By Clayton

I have no idea who pressed the “fast forward” button on life, but it needs to be put back to normal NOW!! Time is flying by way too fast for my brain to even process what is going on around me. 2015 has flown by and even now that we have entered 2016 it already is mid-January. What the fudge?

Below I will share some memorable moments of 2015.

Work2015-12-05-09.39.03
In the beginning of the year the crazy roller coaster ride of work started. Completed my first project at work successfully and there were many more to come.
After the first project was live there was a long period of problem solving, specializing and giving support, until I basically knew the software with my eyes closed.
Shortly afterwards followed a more projects and basically filled my entire year fill of non-stop working. Not complaining though. I like what I do 🙂

Exercise
In February, a few days after my 27th birthday, I finally started working out. With the help of a personal trainer I have been able to keep this up to this day and the results are showing. I am nowhere where I want to be yet – think Andrew Christian model – but I am very proud of what I have achieved thus far and will continue to do so, because guess what? I have actually started to like working out.

IMG_20150216_211726 IMG_20150226_191048 (more…)

Clay's Personal

Goodbye 2013, Hello 2014

By Clayton

Only 3 more hours and the year 2013 will be history. Seriously, who pressed the Fast Forward button on time, because time is flying by rapidly!

2013 has been an amazing year for me and I don’t even know where to begin to summarize it. It would be best to just write down a few random words and phrases that come to mind when I think back on this year:

I turned 25, I partied in a limousine, went on a motor boat ride on the river with my friends, flew in a Boeing 777, got a promotion, bought my first car, went to Epica’s Retrospect anniversary show, saw Kamelot for the first time, Revamp, Delain, Serenity, Visions of Atlantis, went to Amsterdam, Rotterdam, Den Haag, Gouda, Limburg, Eindhoven, Haarlem, Tilburg, Delft, Almere, Roermond, got addicted to Instagram, actively started using my Twitter, bought 2 new cellphones, made new friends, partied in Amsterdam, fell in love in Rotterdam, got to walk around in snow, got to see my buddy from Hungary again, attended a wedding, sang karaoke, went partying on Halloween, BBQ, cats, babies, church bells, kisses, butterflies, dreams, tears, heartache, disappointments, friends, family, unforgettable hotties, colleagues, rooftops, hotels, pool party, stripper pole (please don’t ask!), road trips, Christmas, Starbucks, red wine, cooking, train stations, haunted house, new website, blog….

These are the things I could think of. There is probably a lot more, but that basically sums it up. There are also a few negative things in that list, but I think we also need bad things in our lives to appreciate the good. 2013 was overall a great year and I think 2014 can only get better.

I have stopped making New Year’s resolutions years ago, because by February I usually already have failed. So instead my new year’s resolution each year is just to LIVE.

Happy New Year everyone and all the best wishes in 2014!

Happy New Year 2014

 

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