I have some good news. For the first time in… God how long has it been? A year? Maybe longer?
For the first time in a year’s time I finally feel like my own self again. I finally feel “unleashed”. All the past year’s drama is over and I can finally think clearly again.
So what has happened you might ask yourself? Didn’t I have some sort of mayor drama going on the last 1-2 months? Didn’t I tumble down in a whirlpool of confusion and depression?
Short answer: yes… but that’s all over now 🙂
Long answer: Put your reading glasses on and let me explain it all.
*clears throat and cracks his knuckles*
On the first Friday in December, Farid and I had to pick up our Dutch friend from the airport, whom is in Suriname to escape the winter’s cold. At first I didn’t want to go along, because this would be our first face to face encounter after the whole drama in Amsterdam and after ignoring each other for about 6-8 weeks.
The first encounter was less dramatic as I thought it would be. Well my friends were the ones that sort of made me psych myself out by calling to hear how I was feeling and treating me like a bloody mental patient. So the moment of the first eye contact I did sort of feel strange, but as the night progressed I did start to ease myself. Not sure if it was due to the Merlot that we drank before going to the airport – that was probably it.
The new morning I was online on Facebook and the Dutchie and I chatted. We then established our friendship and we also laughed about the past year. I was actually very happy that we were speaking again. It’s not easy to suddenly break all contact with someone who has been part of your daily life for almost 2 years now and certainly not when it all ends on a bad note.
So that was settled and we were speaking again.
However… the next week I did have a minor relapse of feelings. Mostly a mixture of feelings of relief and happiness… and also the questions that I still needed answers to. I’ve noticed that I am drawn to mysterious people – hmm, that would make a nice topic for a separate blog post, don’t you think?. As long as I still have things about someone I want to know, someone that I have a crush on, I will keep holding on, because I am still trying to figure out if I have a chance or not and how we could make it work (or not).