What a difference a year makes… one year ago I was floating on butterflies to the castle I had built in the skyline of Rotterdam and one year later I am here sitting behind my desk in a quite warm office in Paramaribo – seriously, what is up with the air-condition today?
One year ago, around this time I had boarded that escalator to the 3rd floor of the department store that your shop is located in. I got off, turned to my left and there you were. You also spotted me within seconds. I had no idea what I was really thinking, but it couldn’t have been anything bad. You were exactly all that I had imagined in the 3 months that we had had contact. Tall, fair-skinned, gorgeous grey eyes, dirty blonde hair, dressed in black and hard at work. Those were my first impression of you.
Now the rest is history. Let’s just say that I had no idea where I would be on year later, but I also had no idea that I would be where I am now. Now that sounds negative, but it’s not exactly. Now 3 months ago I was a total mess, I admit. Now… I feel nothing. What a difference just 3 months can ALSO make, now can it?
I just looked at our picture from what-will-be-this-weekend a year ago, and I literally felt nothing. Which is funny, because this was the same picture that months ago would fill me with hope, the same images that would calm me down in times of stress, the same memory that would give me strength to go on another day…. But now I have found myself again.
Despite what you might think, I do not hate you. I think I am indifferent towards you now. I honestly have no idea how I would react if our paths ever crossed again. I think maybe I might pity you a bit, because you will never understand how I felt, but then again I must remain realistic; there were probably things that I never understood and never will. So let’s just say I’ve carried on. Now let this chapter officially be closed.